Facing our fears is what men do best, right? I don’t know many men that admit to womenfolk that they are just as scared of spiders as them, or that they too feel a bit wobbly when they are at the top of a ladder.
So why are dating fears so different?
Men often allow these seemingly irrational fears to hold them back, restricting chances of success in the dating game.
1. Fear of Failure
This is the number one fear that holds men back. It stops us from approaching that gorgeous woman at the bar, asking that hot colleague for her phone number, or closing in for a kiss at the end of a date.
Yes, you can avoid rejection by not trying, but that won’t ultimately get you anywhere either. As we’re so often told by the geniuses at The Lottery – “you’ve got to be in it, to win it”. Never has a company motto been more apt to the dating scene.
Don’t get me wrong, there will be rejection, but it won’t be as disastrous as you imagine. She won’t laugh in your face or run away screaming. She’ll most likely be flattered and turn you down politely. She won’t make a scene, and you’ll have lost nothing, and gained some practise for next time.
Just as rejection is inevitable, so is success. Think of it this way – can you name a football team that has NEVER won? No. Because even if a team is renowned for their losses, chances are, they’ve succeeded at some point. Put it this way – even Portsmouth used to win trophies in the past.
2. Fear of Success
This might sound ridiculous, but some of us have a fear of success in the sense that we feel that we don’t deserve it. We don’t want to get our hopes up, because we assume we’ll be disappointed in the long run.
Unfortunately, if you believe that you don’t deserve the attention of that gorgeous woman, they’ll pick up on it in your body language. If you’re giving off a Wayne’s World, “we’re not worthy” vibe before you’ve even tried, how can she disagree when she doesn’t even know you?
Don’t put yourself down. Think about why you don’t deserve to have that beautiful woman be interested in you. Then build dating confidence by realising you are catastrophizing and go and talk to her. You can’t be afraid of something that hasn’t even happened yet, just in case it might happen in the future.
3. Fear of Change
Stepping out of our comfort zone and into the unknown is a scary concept, especially where dating is concerned. There are many questions we ask to convince ourselves we shouldn’t approach a beautiful woman.
What if she’s actually crazy, but pretends to be sane? What if this a colossal waste of time? What if she’s high maintenance?
It’s easy to use these as reasons not to take the plunge. It’s easier to protect what we know and limit the chances of change in case we don’t like it. But here’s the kicker – even if we do nothing, things will change whether we like it or not. So, why don’t you take some control over these changes and try and make them go in the direction you want, rather than drift along in whatever direction life takes you.
How can you use these fears to help build dating confidence?
That’s easy – do what men do best. Don’t let fear stop you in your tracks. Feel the fear, and do it anyway. You’ll soon realise that you can’t let fear stand in your way if you’re going to be a dating success. Once you start facing these fears, you’ll discover your new-found confidence.