If you’re anything like I used to be, the question “is she into me?” will be playing on your mind A LOT, usually accompanied by “what does it mean when she does that thing with her hair?”, “when should I make the move?”, “should I even make a move?!”.
The problem with this is that it kills the moment. You stand there asking yourself what things mean and when you should make your move, rather than responding to her signals and closing the deal.
So how do you jump from “is she into me?” to “she is coming home with me”?
Overcoming ‘Analysis Paralysis’
The main obstacle that you need overcome here is what the experts call analysis paralysis: through over analysing the situation and plaguing yourself with “is she into me?” thoughts, you struggle to make a decision as to how and when to act. More often than not, this means that you end up missing your window of opportunity.
Let’s work through and example of this that every guy under the sun is familiar with. Things are going well, she is enjoying the conversation, laughing, touching your hand here and there, but then it fizzles out and she moves on. Does this mean that she wasn’t that into you after all and that you just misread the signs? No. It is actually way more likely that she lost interest when you failed to act on them.
This is about you, not her. That may sound harsh, but, trust me, swallowing this bitter pill now will pay off big style next time you are in this situation. Once you understand that over questioning things was what ruined your chances and not her decisions, then you will realise that you’re the one who has the power to change things.
How Can I Be Sure?
I know what you are thinking – how can you be sure that she wanted you to make a move after all? Well, you can never be 100% certain, but you can get pretty damn close. How? By looking beyond the basic signals to what I like to call the positive indicators.
Every dating guru, men’s magazine and advice website will give you a rundown of what basic signals to look out for when you are looking to answer the question “is she into me?”. Just in case you are one of those rare individuals who has never come across it, here is the standard list:
• Sustained eye contact;
• Playing with her hair;
• Touching her lips/neck/decolletage;
• Touching your hand/arm/leg (or ‘other’ if you are lucky…) at opportune moments;
• Positioning her body directly towards you, rather than at a half-interested angle or turning away from you all together.
This list has its merits and it gives you some good pointers about what her body language tells you in the moment. However, you can’t make assumptions on these pointers alone. Why? Because a women may do one or all of these things for her own reasons, and not necessarily because she is coming on to you. For example, the odd hair toss and giggle may be the result of her looking for attention and affirmation, not because she is into you specifically. Remember, women are complex creatures!
To be sure of her intentions, you also need to look for signs of the positive indicators. These include:
• Answering your questions with more than one word and a smile;
• Asking you questions and engaging in your answers;
• Opening up to you (telling you why she had a terrible day at work, what she really wants in life etc.);
• Goading you/playfully taking the mic out of you (yes, we are still in primary school it would seem…);
• Moving closer to you for no real reason/asking you to sit next to her rather than across from her;
• Asking you who you live with and what you have on in the morning…
Understanding the significance of these indicators puts you beyond body language-based guess work and onto firmer ground. Being aware of them when they surface means that you can act with confidence, and ensures that you won’t end up looking like an asshat when you lean in!
That’s Great, But Is She Into Me?!
I have already guessed what some of you might say next – “This girl isn’t like the rest, she might not give off the same signals. How then will I know if she is into me?” Trust me, if she likes you, she will display one or more of the signs. Biology and social conditioning don’t just switch off on Friday nights at busy bars!
But remember, noticing and understanding the signals is only half the game. You have to battle your inner over-analysis and make the move to actually win it. So, next time you ask the question “is she into me?”, do yourself a favour and go find out!